At the beginning of the season I wrote this story:
I hate to eat alone. I would rather not eat at all than to eat alone!
Spring Impact is so full that even without a teacher 2 people can not sit at the table. Sandra is used to it and it doesn´t matter to her. I have the feeling that I am expected, as a woman, to also stand or sit behind the kitchen counter. It took only 2 days, until I realized today, that I sit and eat alone, excluded from the table, to conversations only listening and not being able to interact with the group. To realize this during the meal made me sad. Sandra thought it was the food which is too hot for me :-) Meanwhile, I also had thoughts like, it is probably a sacrifice, what I have to bring. Besides, I thought it can be blessed. But perhaps it is also a selfish desire and I should learn to give it up. The first chapter from the book "Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren, which we read together with the students every evening, was exactly what I needed to hear - "It's not about me"!
I was able to enjoy blessings soon! Not all of the sailaways were fully booked and also the fall impact training still has free places. So I almost always had the opportunity to sit with our groups at the table. How selfish my thoughts were in April this year! I am currently learning so much about myself and how God wants to change my character. I don´t like it! Just as a child doesn´t like being rebuked by the father. But, of course, I like it when I've got the lesson. But it takes soooo much time and again and again I notice that I still react in ways that don´t please him. Rika (boat dog) feels probably similar. She wants to please her master, so she learns to sit when told "sit" and gives her paw. But it has to be repeated continuously. How often do I forget in small things, to live that it pleases God. That is why I like the verse in Philippians, which encourages me and I don´t have to feel like I´ll never achieve it:
"...for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." Phil. 2,13